


Together

by DARWIN51



Series: Limits [3]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Family, Holtzbert - Freeform, Part 3, Some Fluff, ghostbusters - Freeform, mostly the fluff though, some darker stuff, working on this and part 2 at the same time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-16 21:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16961673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DARWIN51/pseuds/DARWIN51
Summary: Interconnected oneshots. Years after the attack, Holtz and Erin focus on raising their triplets, even when the ptsd tries to get in the way. //Warning for descriptive violence in the flashbacks/dreams. Other than that, this fic is intended to be family fluff.





	1. Sleepless

**Author's Note:**

> Since they're all mostly oneshot chapters, I'll be updating this and Part 2 for the forseeable future. Just wanted to lay out the whole trilogy first. So both of these are works in progess, and Part 1 will remain a single chapter. Also sorry if there's inconsistencies with past/present tense. I don't have a good excuse for you.

_Brainwashing our children…_

_A genocide of decency…_

_Unnatural…_

_It ought to be a crime just to be you…_

_Bits of words and fragmented phrases reached Holtz’s brain, barely. Everything else was absorbed by whatever was in her right ear. She wanted to use her hands to cover her ears so none of the words could get in, but it would be pointless. She already got the message, the words were just saying the same thing, rearranged to look new._

_A message she’s been told before, a message she herself was raised believing. But it had never been told to her like this._

_Her hands couldn’t cover her ears because one was hovering shakily around her knee, unwilling to touch it and unable to fully process the pain radiating from it, and the other hand was protecting the back of her head. And she couldn’t hear out of her right ear because it was covered in thick blood._

_They weren’t coming after her anymore. They were just… looking at her. The moments of stillness seemed to last forever as her knee pulsed in pain. Almost to the point where she was just aggravated that nothing was happening._

_Another strike to her chest threw her into a brief coughing fit. Whatever had hit her –she guessed it was a shoe—didn’t break a rib, but it struck a rib that was most certainly already broken. Which is worse._

_Without realizing how, Holtz registered that her face was pressed into the ground and she was nearly inhaling asphalt and snow, which, combined with the broken and bruised ribs, made breathing extremely difficult._

_That’s when panic set in, as if you could add panic on top of existing panic. The lack of oxygen set off more involuntary alarm bells in her brain. Her nose was compromised, her chest couldn’t expand, and her attackers were gone. Trying to free up more room to breathe, she cautiously took her hand away from her head and reached down to undo her belt and unbutton her pants like a fat uncle at Thanksgiving ‘making room’._

_But it worked, it gave extra room for her diaphragm to expand, and she rolled onto her back, breathing slightly easier than before._

_That’s when she realized they weren’t gone. Her attackers stood over her. The man had his phone out._

_For a second, Holtz thought maybe he was calling 911. They’d given her their message, now they wanted her to live to spread it. But then the flash went off, and she tried to remember why a phone flashes. The artificial sound of a shutter, what makes that noise again?_

_It never processed, because after that, her eyes closed and she couldn’t get them open again. Her body wasn’t responding to signals to move, and was lying motionless although she felt like she was shaking uncontrollably. More panic on top of panic on top of panic. They could do anything to her now, and she wouldn’t see it coming. She braced for the worst._

_Instead, she heard a car starting some distance away, and a few seconds later, the revving of an engine._

_Growing louder._

_Too loud. Her eyes finally open just in time to see car tires coming straight for her, massive compared to her head._

_The right tire is directly on course for her head._

_Closer._

_Louder._

_She waits for a swerve, but it never comes._

_Louder._

_Louder._

_Impact._

_~_

Her hand squeezed again to protect her knee, but her fingers closed tightly around sheets instead. She knew where she was; she knew what she would see if she opened her eyes: hers and Erin’s bedroom wall. Their closet door, slightly jammed open from all the clothes sticking out the edge. But the dream is still too close for her to be one-hundred-percent certain that’s what she’ll find, and not the tires of a car coming at her.

A familiar crying sound brings her mind fully back into the _here and now_ , and she feels the bed shift as her wife stumbles out quickly, cursing softly and rushing for the cribs. If not tended to immediately, one baby crying will set off the other two, without fail.

“Holtz.” Erin whispers in her husky morning-voice that Holtz loves.

She’s still scared to open her eyes, though.

“Holtzmann I know you’re awake!”

The baby’s still crying but it softens as Erin lifts him into her arms.

Holtz can picture the scene exactly. Erin’s bouncing Luke softly, a crack of morning light seeps in from around the shade, the blankets are falling off the bed from Erin’s haste. But that scene is behind the car tires. If she opens her eyes, she’s afraid those will come first.

“Holtzmann!” A pillow softly slaps her shoulder, Erin’s voice much closer.

Without opening her eyes, Holtz rolls onto her back and holds her arms out. Her one-year-old son is placed gently on her chest, and she rubs his back softly.

If she’s going to be hit by that dark blue SUV speeding towards her, at least let her have this moment with her son first.

She feels Erin relax back into bed, relieved the girls hadn’t woken up.

“Holtz, you okay?” Erin’s voice grows more concerned than casual.

“Mmh. Yeah. Why?”

“Open your eyes.”

“Why?”

No answer.

Holtz finally considers what will happen if she opens her eyes. She tries to convince herself that she’ll see her family, her life, instead of her death. They finally open. The cream ceiling fills her vision, along with a few tufts of her son’s ridiculously soft hair. Not the nighttime, not a car tire.

“You look like you’ve been crying.” Erin rolls onto her side to look at Holtz.

“Really?” Holtz is still too close to sleep to put emotion into that. “I just yawned. My eyes watered.”

Erin hesitantly relaxes against the pillows again, still uneasy. “You sure, babe?” Her hand cups Holtz’s opposite cheek, so she can leave a kiss on the corner of her lips.

Luke has stopped fussing, and Holtz turns her attention toward him. He could be a little needy at night like this, only able to sleep if he was laying on Holtz’s chest, though during the day he was often overshadowed by his sisters, and he seemed okay with that.

“Bad dream?” Erin pressed.

“Yeah.” Holtz admitted. She wasn’t going to lie. Erin knew she still had dreams about the attack. But Erin didn’t know about the car tires part. She didn’t know that’s what Holtz was most scared of.

After all, why would it be? Why would that be any worse than being physically attacked, being told awful things, curled up in pain while the threat breathes down her neck?

The car swerved. That’s the main point. It did.

But facing someone’s shoe, or even a baseball bat, isn’t the same as staring certain death right in the treads.

It hadn’t bothered her before. Death? Whatever. Live fast, die young, leave a beautiful corpse. You don’t work with nukes if you’re not at least a little bit okay with dying before you grow old.

But ever since having kids… She has something to live for now. She lives for her family. She lives for Erin, her beautiful wife, mother of her triplets. And of course, she lives for those beautiful babies. Two girls, identical, Lilly and Lexi. And their brother, Luke. Holtz took full blame for pushing the matching-names thing. She loved that shit.

Luke however, due to a genetic abnormality that was no one’s fault, simply never developed a right hand. So his arm ended at the wrist, and so far the triplets were all too young to even notice anything different.

DNA-wise, they were equal parts Holtz and Erin. Something Holtz never thought she could have, once she accepted her sexuality. But god damn if science doesn’t keep fighting the good fight. But that also may be to blame for how Erin ended up carrying triplets.

Erin didn’t mind, honestly. She loved to complain about it in good fun of course, but she wouldn’t want it any other way, and neither would Holtz.

For now, their family of five was a family of seven, with Abby and Patty living in Ghostbusters HQ with them part time, to help take care of the kids. Granted, they did each have their own place, but Holtz and Erin had given up their apartments to raise the kids at the fire house. The easiest way to have help, and _they needed it._

But despite all the challenges and sleeplessness of raising triplets, sometimes it seemed too good to be true. And usually, that’s when the PTSD would make its rounds.

“Talk to me later about it?” Erin whispers an offer, since Luke seems to have fallen asleep again.

Holtz gives a small nod, but doesn’t intend on following through. Erin was always encouraging her to talk about it more, whenever the feelings came up, but Holtz honestly never saw how that could help. She hated talking about it.

Although one good thing did come out of talking to the therapist. And although this good thing involves dragging up memories that were shut out by her brain (which has never been able to cope with things too well), it was worth it. Through therapy, she was able to recall that she had unbuttoned her own pants, in an attempt to ease her distressed breathing.

That was groundbreaking. The attackers didn’t violate her _like that_ in any way, they didn’t use it as an intimidation tactic, and she didn’t simply forget to button up her pants last time she went to the bathroom. She’d done it herself, before they took the pictures but after they had finished their attack.

She was _not_ sexually assaulted, and it was not a memory her brain fabricated just to cope, either. She knew it was real because the pain of the other memories dragged up with it were real. Like the car.

“You’re not actually going to talk to me later, are you?” Erin whispers.

Luke stirs, and Holtz coos to him softly, stroking the back of his head. His left hand reaches up to her face and his small fingers curl at her mouth, causing her to laugh a little. He brings his right arm to his own mouth, as if sucking a phantom thumb. He does that often, and it’s adorable.

Holtz chooses not to face Erin’s question, though she’ll probably have to later. But for now, the three of them rest together, with the girls nearby.

No words.

It’s everything Holtz possibly could have asked for in life. Like Christmas every day. And she’ll savor every second of it, every day, until the tires finally reach her.

~//~  



	2. Toy Cars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say, I planned to skip around the timeline a little with this, which I just learned is actually what "this is us" is about. 
> 
> I personally think that's a great thing for fanfictions to do, so we can share our takes on established characters, and since we’re not writing as our full time paid job, we’re not expected to come up with the full story at once, then tell it in order, so skipping around makes sense. But tbh it’s a cheap thing for real tv shows and movies to do. All books about writing warn against it, because it’s really just highlighting the important parts because they couldn’t make the present story interesting enough, or couldn’t develop their characters with the tools given. It’s a sign of poor planning honestly. I don’t mean to hate on it, I'm just sour because they're getting away with it. 
> 
> Anyway, the idea for the triplets thing actually came from the unusually high number of triplets in my area growing up?? not sure what that's about (maybe related to Love Canal. Look that up for a fun time). And my former fire chief (a trump-loving douche) just had triplets. They are 7 months old and he's already cheated on his wife, and they're already getting a divorce. So this story is partially me wishing a better life for those babies. Sorry about the rant. Everyone should do whatever they like. That applies to the writing thing, not my stupid ass douchbag fire chief. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

“I’m working on a newer model, but this protein pack still does the trick.”

“Proton pack.” The intern corrected.

Holtz tapped the patented Proton Pack III with a lug wrench. “Right.”

“So when can I work with Carla in the workshop? I’m pretty handy with wiring, and have some ideas sketched out if you want—“

“Never.” Holtz replied quickly. “Not unless we hire you full time and you undergo a rigorous six-month training course with me. And you have to juggle bowling pins on fire.”

The intern looked disappointed.

“Just kidding. But really, we don’t let anyone into the workshop unless we’re a million percent sure they won’t blow anything up. Kids in the building, remember? I don’t even trust myself here anymore. Carla has extensive experience that you will learn, you… little grasshopper. Thing.” Holtz patted the intern’s shoulder affectionately.

“So you don’t make stuff anymore?”

“Ha!” As if Holtz could ever keep her hands off her tools for very long. “There’s an off-site nuke lab for _those_ kinds of experiments. Can’t tell ya where.”

“Oh.”

Holtz felt a little bad. “Here.” She put a piece of paper in his hands. “You did good today. Give this to your mom to put on the fridge. You earned it.”

The man examined the dirty paper she’d handed him. It was a shipping receipt. “Thanks.” He put the paper back where Holtz had gotten it from and slung his bag over his shoulder.

“Get some rest.”

“I think you need it more.” He said, walking out.

Holtz leaned against the wall with a _thud_ , ready to go upstairs for the day. He was right. But she still had a mess to clean up.

The workshop doors swung open and a curly-haired brunette entered.

“Carla! My wonderful—“

“Go take care of your kids, Holtz. I’ll clean up.” She knew exactly what Holtz was buttering her up for anyway.

“Thank you.” Holtz breathed, leaning forward until her weight forced her exhausted body to take the next step toward the stairs.

~

Holtz pushed the door open at the top of the stairs. She saw exactly what she expected to see, and yet she still smiled, every time.

“Hey,” The babysitter approached her and gave her the rundown of today’s events, but Holtz’s eyes stayed on the triplets across the room.

Lilly tottered over to her, and she scooped her up. “Hey baby girl.” Holtz peppered kisses on the child’s head. Lilly snuggled against her mother’s shoulder and began sucking her thumb.

“I’m not sure what’s up with her today.” The babysitter started. “Don’t know if she missed you guys or what, but she only ate a few bites of her lunch, and wouldn’t stay down for her nap either.”

Holtz immediately felt the child’s forehead for a fever.

“I took her temperature, two and four hours ago, and it was normal both times.”

“Hm.” Holtz said. “Did you miss me, Lilly?”

The little girl stared into the distance and nodded.

“You know Mommy and I are right downstairs.”

She nodded again, not really paying attention.

“You look tired.” Holtz brushed soft blonde curls away from the child’s forehead and bounced her softly. “Thank you.” She told the babysitter.

The babysitter smiled and packed up her bag while Holtz carried Lilly into the living room, where Luke was trying to climb onto the couch and Lexi was shaking a little cardboard book as if she could read it.

This is what Holtz missed all day. Even though she’s in the same building, and even though parenting _triplets_ could be exhausting as all get-out, she loved the time she got with them. Honestly, what other parent gets to do their amazing and groundbreaking life’s work in the same building where her wife works on the second floor and her kids live on the third floor?

Erin still wasn’t up from the second floor yet, where she worked with a few colleagues on creating theories, papers, and conducting groundbreaking research, all of which go directly to Holtz in the basement to turn those ideas into physical field equipment.

And they still go on busts nearly every day, too.

There are now six teams of “ghostbusters” who work in 24-hour on call shifts. Abby, Erin, Holtz, and Patty are all able to conduct their work during the regular 9 to 5 business hours, and they’re the primary team for any calls during those hours.

Patty works in research with Erin, along with producing her own podcast, teaching history at a nearby university, and currently teaching herself computer code in Java Script so she can write a program that will give the Ghostbusters instant access to any building’s paranormal history.

Abby bounces around between the research floor with Erin and the workshop with Holtz, since she’s the only one of the team able to seamlessly merge the theoretical with the experimental.

Holtz loves her work. And so does Erin.

And Holtz never thought she could love anything more than engineering.

Then she met Erin. And then they had kids.

Cute, mushy stuff that she used to scrunch her nose at.

She sat down on the couch near Luke, still holding Lilly. As determined as he may be, he just doesn’t have the upper body strength to quite get there.

“Here!” He demanded, about to get upset because he can’t reach his mother.

“Okay, bud.” Holtz scooted down onto the floor, resting her back against the couch. Luke immediately tried to stand on her legs and Lilly immediately wanted to be put down.

Holtz complied, exhausted, and held Luke close when he climbed into her lap. “Mommy.” He said.

“Mommy’s still working, she’ll be home in a little bit.”

Luke probably didn’t understand what Holtz was saying at all, but it sounded negative and his Mommy wasn’t here so his face scrunched up and tears immediately began to fall, as his mouth stretched open in preparation for a loud wail.

“It’s okay buddy, it’s okay, she’ll be home very soon, I promise. She’s just downstairs. And then we’ll have dinner, and then we’ll play, and read a book, and go bedtime, okay?” She knew he didn’t understand, but the familiar words were soothing, and prevented a meltdown with the expert touch only a parent has.

The door to the stairwell opened, and Abby walked across the floor to the kitchen, setting down her bag.

“You guys staying here tonight?” Holtz asked.

Abby took a carton of milk out of the fridge and poured herself a glass. “I was told by an intern that you could use some sleep, so I guess I am. Haven’t talked to Patty though.”

“Where’s Er?”

“Still downstairs.”

“Finishing up at least?”

“I don’t know.”

Holtz rolled her eyes. That meant no. But she needed to get dinner started and Erin needed to be here so one of them could watch the kids.

“Can you watch them while I go find Erin?”

“Holtz, I’ve got a phone call to make.”

“Can you watch them while you’re on the phone?”

Abby groaned in annoyance. “Seriously, what would you guys do if Patty and I weren’t here?”

“Grandparents would be nice.” Holtz replied flatly, referencing her own lack of parents and Erin’s homophobic parents who hadn’t spoken to her in years.

“One.” Abby gave in. “I’ll watch one of them. If I try to multitask any more than that I’ll lose the kid.”

“Oh, thank you Abby.” Holtz replied with a playful mocking tone. “Please don’t lose my babies.” She stood and picked Luke up with her, bringing him into the kitchen and lifting him into his high chair.

“Hi, Lukey.” Abby cooed.

Although Luke seemed most at risk to start throwing a fit if Holtz left, he also hated traveling to the other floors. So far that territory was unfamiliar, and while the girls were a little more adventurous (sometimes to a fault, just like their Mama), Luke preferred to stay on the third floor for now.

Holtz scooped up Lilly and took Lexi’s hand. “C’mere, babe. We’re gonna go visit Mommy.”

“I go?” Luke asked loudly from the kitchen.

“No, baby. We’re going to Mommy’s work.”

He instantly understood, hating the word ‘work’ since he associated it with that foreign territory he didn’t like. Not the reason most people hate the word ‘work’, but he was on the right track.

So far, Lexi was walking much more than the other two, though thankfully she’s the least mischievous of the three. Still, her pace was slow.

“Do you wanna walk or drive, Lexi?” Holtz asked, holding Lilly on her hip with one arm, and checking the little girl’s forehead again for a fever.

“I drive.” Lexi said.

“Okay, go get your car.”

Lexi waddled over to the little foot-propelled car and opened the door, sitting herself inside. “Go, go!” She declared, pushing the car from beneath with both feet at the same time.

She was still pretty slow making her way to the elevators. “Lift up your feet.” Holtz told her. Once she did, Holtz pushed car with one hand to go faster, guiding it to the elevator.

When the doors opened on the second floor, Lexi quickly pushed herself backwards across the threshold, like a horse out of the starting gate.

Holtz followed her and saw Erin look up from her desk across the room. She looked beautiful, outlined by the evening light coming in through the windows. And she looked just as tired as Holtz.

Erin smiled when she saw her three girls heading her way. “What’s going on?”

“We were ready to make dinner, and wondering where you are.” Holtz said pointedly.

“Just finishing up the briefing on a paper so I can send it out.” She motioned to her computer screen.

“Which publications?” Holtz asked.

“Not sure yet. How’s intern training going?”

“Not sure yet.”

Lilly squirmed until Holtz put her down.

“Babysitter leave already?”

“Yeah. She said Lexi didn’t eat much of her lunch, and wouldn’t stay down for her nap either. I didn’t feel a fever but I’m gonna keep a close eye on her tonight.” Holtz sat on the edge of Erin’s desk, partially trying to playfully irritate her wife, and partially out of exhaustion.

Erin wasn’t irritated, even when Lexi bumped into her legs with the car.

“What’s wrong, Lexi?” She asked the confused child.

“Wait, I meant this one.” Holtz pointed to Lilly.

“God, you need sleep.”

“I know.”

Erin stood and finished sorting papers while Holtz sat on her desk. Lilly climbed into the car with Lexi and they both pushed it around the room, with even less success or trajectory than before.

“Where’s Luke?” Erin closed the last folder.

“Playing in the nuclear lab.”

“Very funny.” Erin faced Holtz and put a hand on her leg. “You didn’t name him after nukes, did you?”

“If I did that, I would have named him Nuke.” She leaned in closer to match Erin’s advances.

“Cute.” Erin said, practically against Holtz’s lips. “Subtle.”

“It’s original.” Holtz refused to give in and drop the first kiss.

Erin wasn’t in the mood to play around as much, and she gave up the first kiss, Holtz immediately kissing her back.

“Love you.” Holtz said. “I don’t think I say that enough.”

“You say it every morning. And every night, too.”

“Mmh. That’s not enough.”

“Fine. Say it again.”

“I love you, Erin.”

“I love you too, Jillian. But your sleep issues have got me worried lately. What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Holtz pulled back a little.

“You’re so tired, you’re getting things confused. Are you not sleeping or what?”

“It’s called having triplets. It’s a pain but I love it more than anything in the world.”

“It’s more than that.”

“Sorry, am I waking you up?”

“No, y—“

“Then how do you know I’m not sleeping?”

Erin took her wife’s hands in hers. “Holtz. Because everyone’s telling me you’re tired all the time. And half the time when the kids wake me up, you’re already sitting up or not even in bed at all. Be honest with me, please. Is something going on?”

Holtz paused for a moment to make it seem like she was considering Erin’s words. “Insomnia, maybe.”

Erin bought it. “Okay. You should see a doctor. A neurologist.”

“Okay.”

She nodded, seemingly satisfied. “Okay.”

Holtz stood up, pushing Erin away slightly and not making eye contact. “C’mon girls. Upstairs.” She went to round them up.

Erin packed up her bag and followed them to the elevator.

Just as the elevator doors were closing, she said, “I don’t think it’s insomnia.”

“What?” Holtz asked.

“I think something’s keeping you awake. Something that you don’t want to tell me. And that’s fine, you’re allowed to keep things private. But I wish that someday you’d feel like you can talk to me about whatever it is.”

Holtz didn’t say anything. She just faced the closed elevator doors as they rose one floor. They opened and she let out a breath.

Lexi and Lilly rolled out into the living room, but Erin stayed back, holding Holtz’s hand so she couldn’t walk away just yet.

“And if you don’t tell me, I wish you’d talk to a therapist again about whatever it is— “

“Let it go.” Holtz warned sharply, yanking her hand away. It came out much more aggressive than she intended.

Erin watched her walk away, unsure how to help someone who didn’t think they needed help.

Holtz turned back after a few steps to add, a little louder. “I’m sleeping just fine, by the way. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She gave a shrug and a smile that looked so out of place, and couldn’t have been more forced.

But she’s Holtz; she can’t say something dramatic-sounding without laughing at it.

Which is partly why Erin’s worried that there could be something much bigger that Holtz is hiding under a mountain of jokes.  

~//~

 


End file.
